we're blogging at a bar
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
