I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
