dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
