how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
