Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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