I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
