Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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