if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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