My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
