Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
