I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
