Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
