Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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