Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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