I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
