when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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