why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
