so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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