Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
