my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
