I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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