I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
