I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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