Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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