Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
