It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
