Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
