just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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