I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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