Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
