Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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