Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
