I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
