Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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