well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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