omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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