This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
