im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
