mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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