if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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