Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize