my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
