She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
