He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
