dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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