all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
