I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
