So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
