So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
