I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize