I think my vagina is haunted
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
