Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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