I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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