Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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