Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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