I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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