fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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