You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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