Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
