its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
