You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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