Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
