when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
