My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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