we have officially lost it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So squirting runs in the family.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
