So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
