some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize